I could never find a single reason why I should be unhappy considering I had a colossal energy draining few months. The incidents in the those months however could not be the reason for my unhappiness because even prior to their existence, I had felt a blank space in me. It was like I was an alien in my own life and so questioning myself made me realise that I am not unhappy. The next obvious question, then, is "Why do I worry so much?". As if the worries and the blatant inability to down nutrition had lost me and prompted me to question this more, I could not help but realise the power of my mind or the gift of communication.
You see many people spend years trying to find happiness yet it has always been there. For example, I could decide that, to be happy, I have got to eat an ice cream and in doing so, it does present that happiness however shortly thereafter the feeling is gone and yet another is needed to satisfy me. That need for happiness will constantly come up until I can tender to it no more and depression sets in. For goodness sake, how many ice creams can I possibly eat in a day. Following on, even though my marker was set on ice creams it did not secure happiness in its entirety but certainly presented two known points, "temporary happiness" and "my amazing mind". Yes that’s right, the latter is the genius! So if I tricked my mind well enough, I could make it believe things it would never ordinarily believe but how do I do this without allowing the thought of what I was conjuring up, to play my conscious like a cheat.
And so I found the prolonged art of the mind that requires you to let go, be patient and be persistent. It meant that I would have to believe in what I wanted and just let go, let go in order to calm myself, be patient and create a sanctuary up in my very own mind. My conscious will always play games but belief always screws that challenge right back to where it came from. That would mean letting go of my hates, letting go of my "normal human behaviour", letting go of my follower attitude, letting go of my old habits, letting go of the past and just be a different person.
And so I decided to put my theory to the test...It’s a challenge to let go and resistance in letting go was an even bigger problem. As my friends went about their normal lifestyles stacking up on couture, fine luxury, chaotic lifestyles, weighty arguments, irrational venting sessions and their need to steal the corporate limelight, I was trying to move away from it all. Irrevocably the question did come up, "Am I doing the right thing?".
Time certainly answered that question. Over the months, as I watched all this staging around me, I un-noticeably was becoming a lot more acceptable of my different approach to life - seeing my friends delight in their modern day entertainment whilst my pleasure contained meditation time (with God) and separation from peer pressure, I found myself absorbed in nature, its beauty and the amazing creatures in my garden that I almost forgot about. An ant in my path was a friend and no longer an enemy. I had seen birds in my garden that I never saw before and flowers, their scents and beauty encapsulating me like a Sunday afternoon fling.
But I could not hide out in the garden all my life nor in the comforts of my room, I had to have discussions with others, I had to be a person, I had to live within the laws of this world. And so I acquired this challenge working on communication and talking about the present, the past, emotions and disparities. In my conversations with God, it seems so easy and that’s because it’s always one way traffic. That was the marvel technique that, "one way traffic" that got me started on my next journey. Communicating – it involved listening and giving feedback and in arguments, a silent patient approach and a heart of a rock. As I uncovered, we all vent in different ways and so I should leave the person to say what’s on their mind. The flip side of conversations is that they can go bad and often it becomes pointed and normally when it is pointed, it pushes you into a defensive spot. You see the trick was to ignore the normal human behaviour for a start. In acquiring the patience though it was not easy and the only way I secured this patience, was through prayer. My belief in God and his destiny for me (on a daily basis) forces me to be patient and know that everything happens for a reason. This point even holds firm in the things that happen in our lives.
Today I can tell you, in tears still, I can be patient. Regardless of where and how, conversations can be good or bad. In the good, I need to listen and talk about my life in meaningful ways. If I have no meaningful words or good advice, I should not speak. I can share an experience and I can make someone smile or laugh but I should always conduct myself in a positive manner; and in the bad, the ability to defend my point of view is a given but I reversed that action and adopted a silent approach to curing that case forcing the future. I never want to squabble but being human, these things stumble on you and in its appearance, holding patience showed its beauty. Of course it takes masses amounts of persistency because not everyone reacts the way you hope but the persistency is key to bringing back calm. In the relevance of our state of happiness, we don’t all need to be the same, we don’t need everything, we don’t need much actually and we don’t all have the same thoughts and opinions - we just need to be happy in our own world, to delight in what we have.
No one said happiness would come without some tears but even in tears we have some delight of the past or the future.
I have created a monster in my head that is destined to be happy no matter the circumstance. God gave us beautiful gifts in nature all inclusive of ourselves and yet often we neglect our biology’s - the very key to our self-accomplished fame. No one ever said happiness was sweet but rather a state of contentment that only we ourselves can give ourselves. It is also a thought, that everything we hear is not what we want to hear but rather a lesson that, those words are the echo of another’s happiness and acceptance of their happiness is a beauty in its own regard…